What if I told you self-control isn’t about willpower? You say you’ll do better a thousand times, but willpower alone won’t win the battle. The secret lies not in human strength, but in tapping into the power of God.
In today’s show (or blog post if podcasts aren’t your thing), I’m sharing three powerful questions that’ll help you finally stop spinning your wheels and have more biblical self-control as a Christian.
Plus, I’ll break down…
- The difference between earthly self-control and biblical self control
- Who showed self-control in the Bible
- How self-control is a fruit of the Spirit
- Where self-control comes from
How to Have More Self-Control index
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Why is Self-Control Important
Self-control is crucial in our lives because it helps us overcome temptation and sin, protecting our spiritual integrity and relationship with God.
In Proverbs 25:28, we learn,
“A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.” NLT
Self-control guards our hearts, minds, and actions, enabling us to live purposefully and honorably in obedience to God’s will.
A lack of self-control leaves us spiritually vulnerable to destructive influences and easily driven by our impulses and temptations rather than guided by God’s truth. Without self-control, we risk damaging relationships, hindering spiritual growth, and falling into patterns of sin and regret.
It’s a lot like going into battle unarmed — exposed to every desire that pulls us away from God’s best for our lives.
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WHAT’S The Problem with Self-Control
Imagine a city with broken walls — vulnerable, exposed, and easily overrun. That’s exactly how our spiritual lives look when we lack self-control.
We often mistakenly rely on earthly self-control, focusing purely on personal strength, good works, or external achievements.
These things are usually motivated by self-improvement, worldly passions, or external validation, which are heavily reliant on feelings and ultimately temporary.
The problem? We’re trying to tackle spiritual battles with human strength instead of leaning into God’s help.
Paul understood our struggles and explains it beautifully in Romans 7:18-19.
“And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.” NLT
In this verse, the Apostle Paul describes the tension between the flesh (human nature) and the Spirit of God, demonstrating that even someone as committed to Christ as Paul was still wrestled with sin.
This vulnerability shows our need for God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit to live a godly life.
What’s the Difference Between Earthly and Biblical Self-Control
There’s a big difference between earthly and biblical self-control.
Earthly self-control is all about trying harder on your own and chasing success based on what others can see. It’s often fueled by selfish desires or the love of money, and it focuses on reaching personal goals. But it doesn’t last.
Earthly self-control changes with your mood or situation and falls apart when life gets hard.
Biblical self-control, on the other hand, is entirely different. It’s empowered by the Holy Spirit, driven by obedience to God’s word, submission to Christ Jesus, and sustained through faith.
It’s motivated by our love for Jesus and honoring our Father.
The success of biblical self-control is measured by spiritual fruitfulness and Christ-like character rather than worldly recognition. Instead of relying on human strength, biblical self-control is rooted in God’s grace and strength.
1 Corinthians 9:25 teaches us,
“All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.” NLT
This verse demonstrates the importance of eternal perspective and purpose behind biblical self-control.
How is Self-Control a Fruit of the Spirit
Self-control is listed among the fruits of the Spirit as found in Galatians 5:22-23.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” NIV
It’s not just a personal trait but a supernatural result of the Holy Spirit’s influence in a Christian’s life. As we grow closer to God and yield to His Spirit, self-control naturally develops, enabling us to resist sinful desires and make choices aligned with God’s will rather than our own human nature.
Where Does Self-Control Come From
So where does biblical self-control come from? True self-control comes from God through the Holy Spirit.
Unlike worldly self-control that relies on personal strength and willpower, the fruit of self-control is a divine gift that gives us the strength to say no to desires of the flesh, as seen in 2 Timothy 1:7,
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” NIV
This verse shows that self-control isn’t something we produce on our own. It comes through the help of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God, giving us the strength to live disciplined and godly lives.
Who Showed Self-Control in the Bible
Although many biblical figures demonstrated remarkable self-control, today we’ll unpack five stories in the Bible to see what we can learn from them in our own lives.
Joseph Displayed Self-Control
Trials and unjust treatment marked Joseph’s life, yet he shows us a perfect example of self-control.
One of the clearest demonstrations of his restraint came in Genesis 39.
While serving in the household of Potiphar, an Egyptian official, Joseph was repeatedly propositioned by Potiphar’s wife. Despite her persistence, Joseph refused her sexual relations, saying,
“How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” Genesis 39:9 NIV
Joseph understood that giving in would not only betray his master’s trust but also dishonor God.
Even when she grabbed his cloak and tried to seduce him again, Joseph fled the scene — literally running away from temptation.
“She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.” Genesis 39:12 NIV
This cost him dearly, as he was falsely accused of sexual immorality and thrown into prison. But Joseph chose integrity over pleasure, proving that true self-control often comes with a price.
His story reminds us that fleeing from temptation — even when no one is watching—is a powerful form of obedience and evidence of deep reverence for God.
Daniel Displayed Self-Control
Daniel was another man who had a great understanding of the concept of self-control. Throughout his life, he displayed great restraint.
Daniel was taken into Babylonian captivity as a young man and placed in the king’s court to be trained for service. As part of this process, he was expected to eat the royal food and drink the wine, but Daniel made a bold decision.
“But Daniel was determined not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the king. He asked the chief of staff for permission not to eat these unacceptable foods.” Daniel 1:8 NLT
This wasn’t about diet preferences, but about spiritual conviction. The food likely violated Jewish dietary laws or had been offered to idols, which conflicted with the will of God.
Instead of rebelling, Daniel respectfully asked for a different meal and trusted God with the outcome. After ten days, he and his friends looked healthier than those who had eaten the king’s food.
“At the end of the ten days, Daniel and his three friends looked healthier and better nourished than the young men who had been eating the food assigned by the king.” Daniel 1:15 NLT
Daniel’s self-control wasn’t passive; it was an active act of faith. His example teaches us that self-control includes knowing when to say “no,” even when it’s unpopular or risky.
Who Displayed Self-Control in the Bible: Jesus
Our Savior, Jesus Christ is the perfect example of self-control in the New Testament.
After fasting for 40 days and nights in the wilderness, Jesus was physically weak and vulnerable, (although spiritually strong) just as Satan came to tempt Him with three powerful challenges.
- To turn stones into bread (physical satisfaction)
- To throw Himself down from the temple to prove His divinity (pride)
- To gain all the kingdoms of the world by worshiping Satan (power).
But Jesus responded each time by quoting Scripture: “It is written…” as seen in Matthew 4:4,7,10.
His resistance wasn’t based on willpower but on the Word of God. With the help of the Holy Spirit, He leaned on spiritual truth to silence the lies and temptations of the enemy, forcing the devil into defeat.
“Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.” Matthew 4:11, NIV
Jesus’ victory in the wilderness sets a beautiful example of how we can exercise self-control.
He teaches us not to rely on our own feelings or personal strength, but to stand firm on the righteousness of God. He shows us how critical it is to stay rooted in Scripture, especially in times of testing.
Paul Displayed Self-Control in the Bible
The apostle Paul often used athletic metaphors to describe the Christian life, stressing the need for discipline and focus against the lust of the flesh.
In 1 Corinthians 9:27, Paul writes,
“I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.” NLT
Paul recognized that even with a powerful ministry, he wasn’t immune to temptation or failure, and that self-control was essential to his spiritual endurance and calling.
Paul’s life was full of hardship — shipwrecks, beatings, imprisonment — but he never let those challenges derail his mission. He trained himself spiritually through prayer, fasting, study of the Word, and obedience.
His message is clear: following God requires intentional preparation. Without spiritual self-control, even the most passionate believer can lose focus. His words challenge the life of a believer to cultivate habits that strengthen our walk with Christ so that we can finish the race strong.
David Displayed Self-Control
David’s encounter with King Saul in 1 Samuel 24 is another powerful demonstration of the gift of self-control.
Though Saul had been relentlessly pursuing David to kill him, the tables turned when Saul entered a cave where David was hiding. David’s men urged him to seize the moment and kill Saul, claiming it was God’s will.
But David refused, stating,
“May the Lord keep me from doing such a thing to my master! Saul is the Lord’s appointed king. I should not do anything against him, because he is the Lord’s appointed king!” 1 Samuel 24:6 ICB
Instead of acting on his emotions or the encouragement of his men, David chose the life of righteousness and waited on God’s timing. He cut a corner of Saul’s robe to prove his point, then later confronted Saul with grace and humility.
David’s own self-control maintained his integrity and opened the door for reconciliation. His story teaches us to resist reacting out of anger or entitlement and instead trust in God’s justice and timing
3 Questions to Ask Yourself FOR MORE SELF-CONTROL
When temptation hits, it can feel overwhelming, like there’s just no time to think. But taking a quick pause to ask yourself the right questions can shift your perspective and invite the Holy Spirit into your decision-making.
Here are three powerful, faith-centered questions to help you practice biblical self-control in the moment.
Write these questions down, save them in your phone, or tuck them in your purse. Pull them out wherever you need them. Over time, they’ll help you build the muscle of Spirit-led discernment and walk in the fruit of self-control.
1. Is this fear, desire, or comfort-driven
The first question to ask yourself is, “Is this fear, desire or comfort-driven? Or am I truly walking in faith”?
2 Corinthians 5:7 teaches us,
“For we live by believing and not by seeing.” NLT
When we’re tempted, it’s usually because something inside us is being triggered. Maybe it’s fear of missing out, desire for something that looks good in the moment, or a craving for comfort in a stressful situation.
By asking yourself this question, it’ll help you pause and reflect on what’s really motivating your choices.
Are you trying to avoid discomfort? Or are you choosing what’s right (even if it’s hard) because you believe God’s plan is better, a good thing for you?
Walking in faith means trusting God’s will and timing, even when your feelings scream otherwise.
It won’t be easy, but it’ll always be worth it. When you recognize what’s driving your actions, you can redirect your heart back to God’s promises instead of reacting from emotion or impulse.
2. Will this Choice draw me Closer to God
The second question to ask yourself is, “Will this choice draw me closer to God or pull me further away”?
James 4:8 teaches us that when we draw close to our Father, He will draw close to us, giving us the strength we need to restrain in all areas of life.
“Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” James 4:8 NLT
By asking this question, it shifts your focus from the temporary earthly desires to the eternal, kingdom desires.
It’s a simple but powerful way to ensure that your decisions align with your desire to grow spiritually.
The truth is, not every opportunity, conversation, or indulgence is harmless — many of them either deepen our intimacy with God or distract us from it.
When you’re standing at a crossroads — whether it’s how you respond to conflict, what you do with your time, or how you handle temptation — ask yourself if your choice will strengthen your walk with the Lord Jesus Christ or weaken it.
This one question can be enough to re-center your mind and choose God’s best for your life.
3. How Will I Feel ABOUT this DECISION Tomorrow
The final question to ask yourself when facing temptation is, “How will I feel about this decision tomorrow?”
Proverbs 14:15 reminds us of the importance of being careful.
“The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.” Proverbs 14:15 NIV
Temptation often thrives in short-term thinking. It lures us with immediate satisfaction while blinding us to the long-term consequences.
This question is your opportunity to step outside the moment and think about the kingdom of God. Will this decision bring regret, shame, or spiritual distance tomorrow, or will it bring peace, confidence, and closeness with God?
When you consider how your actions will affect, not just your mood today, but your spirit tomorrow, it brings clarity and wisdom. Spiritual self-control means training your mind to think beyond the “right now” and into the realm of eternity.
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How to Have Biblical Self-Control
Living with self-control isn’t just about avoiding temptation. I’s about preparing your heart, mind, and environment to walk in step with the Spirit every day.
As I teach my students, in order to put these lessons into practice (and experience real growth and transformation in your life), you’ve got to “prep your environment.” In other words, get prepared now, so that when you’re facing temptation, you’ll have what you need to succeed.
Here are three steps to developing self-control in your own life.
1. How to Have Biblical Self-Control: Prepare your mind and stay spiritually alert
“Therefore, gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13 NKJV
Peter encourages us to be mentally prepared and spiritually focused. “Girding up the loins of your mind” is a call to action — to clear out distractions, set your thoughts on things above, and live intentionally. Staying spiritually alert helps you recognize temptation before it grabs hold, allowing you to choose obedience with clarity and strength.
Take time to prayerfully identify the areas in your life where you face the greatest temptations — those patterns or moments where self-control tends to slip. Don’t rush this step; self-awareness is a powerful tool in spiritual growth.
Once you’ve pinpointed those vulnerable spots, dig into God’s Word and find Bible verses that speak directly to your struggle. Write them down, memorize them, and keep them close.
When temptation strikes, these truths will anchor your heart and mind, giving you the strength and clarity to respond with Spirit-led self-control.
2. How to Have Biblical Self-Control: Maintain Accountability
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 NIV
You weren’t meant to fight spiritual battles alone. God designed us for community, not isolation.
Surrounding yourself with people who love the Lord and are committed to walking in truth encourages you to stay on track, even when the path gets hard.
Accountability isn’t about judgment. It’s about mutual support, encouragement, and helping each other grow stronger in Christ.
When you invite others into your journey, you create space for honest conversations, loving correction, and spiritual encouragement.
Whether it’s a trusted friend, a Bible study group, or a mentor, these relationships help you see blind spots, stay grounded in God’s Word, and pursue the life of righteousness God calls you to.
Iron truly does sharpen iron — and together, we become more effective, faithful, and Spirit-filled in our mission for biblical self-control.
3: How to Have Biblical Self-Control: Ask God for Wisdom and Guidance
“If you don’t have all the wisdom needed for this journey, then all you have to do is ask God for it; and God will grant all that you need. He gives lavishly and never scolds you for asking.” —James 1:5 The Voice
When you need help with self-control, all you have to do is make that ask.
One of the most beautiful truths about our relationship with God is that we have direct access to the wisdom of our Heavenly Father. And when it comes to self-control, wisdom is essential.
Discernment helps you recognize when to speak and when to hold your tongue, when to move forward and when to be still, when to say “yes,” and when a Spirit-led “no” is the most faithful response.
Too often, we rely on our own limited understanding, hoping we’ll make the right call. But the truth is, we don’t have to guess our way through life.
God promises to provide the wisdom we need — generously and without shame — when we ask with a sincere heart. So bring your questions, your confusion, and your temptations to Him.
With the help of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom found in God’s Word, you’ll soon navigate your daily life with greater confidence, clarity, and Christ-like self-control.
What is Self-Control in the Bible Wrap Up and Video
Gaining Biblical self-control will take time and practice. Grant yourself some grace and strive to do better today than yesterday.
Biblical self-control isn’t about human effort but tapping into the Holy Spirit’s power and strength. Your self-control will grow through intentional, faithful living.
Build those strong spiritual muscles, and soon you’ll find that self-control becomes less about striving and more about abiding — resting in God’s strength, responding with wisdom, and reflecting the character of Christ in every area of your life.
With the help of the Holy Spirit, you won’t just resist temptation — you’ll walk in victory.
- 00:00 Introduction
- 01:11 The difference between earthly self-control and biblical self-control
- 03:37 Self-Control as a Fruit of the Spirit
- 07:20 3 questions to ask yourself when facing temptation
- 14:43 3 practical ways to have more self-control
- 21:24 Next steps in how to have more self-control as a Christian
[Check out everything mentioned in the show here.]
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Mentioned in TODAY’S show
7 Effective Prayers for Spiritual Growth
Free 30-Day Self-Control Scripture Challenge
Tapping into the Power of the Holy Spirit
