Well, this is a tough one, isn’t it? Why on earth would you want to pray for someone who’s hurt you, when all you really want is for them to pay for what they did?
Why would you pray for those who wronged you when they don’t seem the least bit bothered?
I’ve been through some deep, psychological pain at the hands of someone else, and the last thing I wanted was to go before God and pray for them.
I mean, why does God even want us to pray for them when they’ve done such awful things? Why does He expect something so painful from us?
The truth is…
- sitting in the pain and blaming them
- defining our life by what they did
- making it our life’s purpose to make sure everyone knows how wrong they were
…will only increase our pain.
But I suspect you already know that.
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What The Bible Says About Forgiveness
Jesus calls us to pray for those who hurt us, but He understands how difficult it is. In fact, He knows everything about us, so there’s no reason to hide our feelings.
But before we can even begin to pray for someone who’s been mean to us, we first need to understand what the Bible says about forgiveness.
One of the best places to begin is Ephesians, chapter 4. (In fact, I recommend reading the entire chapter.)
Verses 4:26-27 teaches us,
26 “And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” NLT
Ugh!
All I want to do when someone hurts me is hold on tightly to that long list of wrongs. I dig my heels in and demand an apology because by golly, that’s what I deserve, isn’t it?
Aren’t we entitled to our feelings of hurt and bitterness in these situations?
After all, they let us down. They weren’t the people they were supposed to be.
But the truth is, forgiveness isn’t about them.
Oh, that’s a tough pill to swallow, isn’t it?
How PrayER will prepare you for what God has planned
Forgiveness isn’t about the people who hurt us.
It’s about healing. They’ll help us grow and mature into the person God created us to be.
Praying for them is about freeing ourselves from the pain consuming our lives.
It’s about experiencing freedom from the bitterness coursing through our bodies, so we can be most effective in God’s Kingdom.
The thing is, friend, God wants to work on our hearts. He wants us to draw closer to Him.
And the only way to do that is by releasing our resentment.
Let God take care of working on their heart, and instead focus on growing closer to Him.
Oh, this isn’t easy. It’s not a one, and done decision.
It requires us to make a daily choice of dying to self; dying to the need to be right.
In the book, The Power of the Praying Wife, Stormie Omartian writes,
“We must long to do right more than be right, and to give life more than get even.”
Be sure to check out 15 Best Prayer Journals to Strengthen Your Prayer Life.
How to have an attitude of forgiveness
The first step of learning how to pray for someone who’s hurt you is to work on your own heart — to develop an attitude and heart for forgiveness.
How do you turn the bitterness coursing through your veins into an attitude of forgiveness so you can pray for them?
You show up, and be honest with God.
There’s no need to sugarcoat it. Just tell Him how you feel.
Ask Him to give you an attitude of forgiveness
There’s something beautiful that happens when you’re honest with God; when you go to Him with your concerns, heartbreak, and even your anger.
“Gather strength from Him and rejoice in knowing that He is not waiting for your circumstances to improve. Rather He meets you right in the middle of your mess, taking every painstaking step with you! He is ready to provide you with everything you need to get through this.” Finding Peace in the Mess 30-Day Devotional and Prayer Journal
Since we know that God commands us to release our anger, we also know that we can lean into Him for the strength to do so.
In Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, Lysa Terkeurst writes,
“God’s Word is powerfully effective to cut through all my justifications to stay mad, prove my case, wallow in unforgiveness, and handle things in my flesh. It is possible to live a different way…But it will require God’s strength working in me. To receive more of His strength, I have to make room for more of His truth to fill my heart, mind and mouth…Humility invites in the strength of God. Pride crowds out the strength of God.”
We can’t expect to forgive someone and pray for this person without God and His great strength.
And the only way to gather and receive His strength is to show up and be honest with Him.
So we go to Him and ask for an attitude of forgiveness — even if we have to ask for it 389 times today.
And because Ephesians 4:26 teaches us that it’s a sin to carry our anger, we need to humble ourselves and ask for His forgiveness for indulging in the bitterness.
The challenges of having a heart of forgiveness
Having a heart of forgiveness is anything but easy.
I’ve spent many days asking God why He won’t open their eyes to the pain they’ve caused; why they can’t see how much they’ve hurt me.
I’ve sat diligently on my high horse, certain they had to be the one to change — to apologize.
I’ve clung to that long list of wrongs, and worn them around my neck like a badge of honor to justify to the world why I was so angry.
I wanted to prove that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with them.
- They said hurtful things.
- They continue to treat me poorly.
- They are the reason for all my pain.
They, they, they.
But as I’ve learned through my own journey, the bitterness and hatred I felt for this person, didn’t stop at them.
I held so tightly to my grudges, that my resentment spilled over like oozing acid onto the lives of my loved ones.
And that’s the last thing I wanted, and I imagine it is for you too.
Oh, I get it.
You feel warranted to lash out; justified to “protect” yourself with a shield of anger. And the resentment towards the person who hurt you has left no one untouched by your rage.
Unfortunately, all it’s doing is turning you into something you don’t want to be. Hurting people the way you’ve been hurt.
WHEN PRAYER FEELS IMPOSSIBLE
Forgiveness and praying for someone who’s hurt you feels like one of God’s most unfair commands, and it’s so incredibly hard to walk through.
But when He commands something of us, He will always show up to help us through.
In Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, Terkeurst also writes,
“As we navigate forgiveness within the complexities of relationships where we’ve been deeply wounded and sometimes even abused, God’s command to forgive is not absent of His compassion and comfort.”
God will carry and comfort you, until you can stand on your own.
No questions asked.
Complete, unconditional love.
Prayer For Those Who Hurt You
I’m just going to be honest with you — when I first started praying for someone who hurt me, I didn’t want to.
My pain ran so deep, the last thing I wanted was to offer them grace.
So in the beginning, I simply started with “Lord, I pray for this person.”
That’s it.
Every day, I continued to pray that simple little prayer until my heart began to change.
So today, my friend, just start with, “Lord, I pray for this person.”
The Holy Spirit Will Pray For You
I know when you’re stuck in a hard place like unforgiveness, it’s difficult to come up with the right words to pray for someone who’s hurt you.
The beautiful thing is God has given you The Spirit to live within you; who’ll intercede on your behalf.
“So because our hope is set on what is yet to be seen, we patiently keep on waiting for its fulfillment. And in a similar way, the Holy Spirit takes hold of us in our human frailty to empower us in our weakness. For example, at times we don’t even know how to pray, or know the best things to ask for. But the Holy Spirit rises up within us to super-intercede on our behalf, pleading to God with emotional sighs too deep for words.” Romans 8:25-26 TPT
All you have to do is ask.
“Lord, I confess I don’t want to pray for this person. My pain runs deep, but I will obey your command and strive to walk in forgiveness. Holy Spirit, I ask that you intercede for me. Lift up the prayers that I can’t right now.”
This particular prayer is honest, and shows that although you’re hurting, you have a heart and attitude for forgiveness.
Prayers for Forgiveness and letting go
As you choose to walk in forgiveness (even when you don’t want to), God will begin to change your heart.
This is when your prayers for someone who’s hurt you can go deeper.
“Lord, I know you want me to pray for this person. You already know how difficult this is for me and at this point, I still don’t want to (remember, you don’t have to sugar coat it. He already knows). But Lord, I pray for your will in this person’s life. Please give me eyes to see them from your perspective, and an attitude of forgiveness. Grant me patience while you work this out, and show me how to be the loving Christian you’ve called me to be.”
I pray this every day, and ask Him to help me see them through His eyes.
After all, even though we’ve been hurt, God wants to redeem this person too. (And that’s a tough one to swallow, am I right?)
In every difficult situation, I ask…
- For eyes to see them through His perspective
- Him to reveal what I need to learn in this
- For wisdom to grow and learn throughout this challenge
How Prayers on forgiveness will CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE
Do you want to know what happens every time I start to pray for someone who’s hurt me?
Jesus helps me see them through His eyes.
I begin to see a person who’s struggling, just like me. Someone who’s living in this fallen world and needs forgiveness and grace — just like me.
Oh, this doesn’t come easy, and it’s typically not quick. (Especially when we’re stubbornly holding onto grudges.)
But when these revelations come, they’ll completely change your life.
You’ll begin to feel those chains of unforgiveness falling away.
WHAT PRAYERS ON FORGIVENESS WILL REVEAL TO YOU
Did you catch that?
The other thing that happens is that God will reveal my role in the situation.
It bears repeating…I see what I’ve done wrong in this situation.
Like allowing anger to control my life; allowing it to pour out on others as I fight to point out all the ways this person has hurt me.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that He’ll also reveal something beautiful (and probably hard) in your pain. Because that’s what our God does!
But you must be willing to open your eyes and see it.
Remember, the three most important words you’ll ever say is “Change me, Lord.”
And holy moly! It. Is. Humbling!
You set out to pray for someone who’s hurt you and before long, Jesus teaches you something more about yourself!
Let me tell you it’s one of those “whoa moments.”
One where it feels like he just picks you up and says, “Hey, listen up! You’ve got something to learn here too.”
Growing Closer to God Through Forgiveness
The truth is, my friend, learning how to walk in forgiveness, just can’t happen without a relationship with God.
I know that sounds bold, but until you understand who you are, whose you are, and why you were created, you’ll be fighting an uphill battle that’ll never allow you the freedom from this pain.
In my FREE 4-Steps to Grow Closer to God, I help you forge a relationship with God — even in the midst of your pain.
HOW TO Pray for someone who’s hurt you
Believe me, I don’t have it all figured out.
I’m a work in progress, just like you.
However, as Christians, He calls us to love unconditionally. To allow His great love and mercy to shine through us.
And until we free ourselves from the pain and bitterness of past hurts, there’s no room for us to do what we were called to do — to make Him known and bring Him glory.
So the next time someone hurts you, go to Jesus first. Open your Bible before you open your mouth.
Ask God for help — to see them through His eyes.
Then God’s Light will shine brightly, and will lead the way to something far more beautiful — healing and restoration.
Are you willing to learn today — to be changed for the better because of this?
Most importantly, I ask, are you ready to heal and let His Light shine brightly through you?
If you answered yes to this, then and only then, will you learn to not only pray for someone who’s hurt you, but you’ll learn to shine for Jesus!
And let me tell you, it’s the most incredible feeling in the world!
Thanks so much for stopping by the blog today.
My prayer for you is that you’ll learn to find freedom from the chains of unforgiveness, and discover all God has for you on the other side of your pain.
Until next time, my friend…
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Learning how to put our complete trust in God isn’t easy. We say we trust God, but what we really mean is that we trust Him for what we want, when we want it. At Footprints of Inspiration we uncover who you are and why you were created; how to walk in healing through forgiveness; and how to go before the Lord with confidence. Through this journey, you’ll discover that it truly is possible to experience peace, even in the hardest times in your life.
Tammy Rotzoll is the founder and owner of Footprints of Inspiration and podcast host at A Faithful God Podcast (which can be found on your favorite podcast player). She lives in Virginia with her husband and together they’re learning how to navigate their fun, new adventure as empty nesters.
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I needed this. I pray constantly for people who have betrayed me or hurt and belittled me. Some days I want to throw in the towel but God is more than patient with me so I am trying to be patient with others. Please pray for me. Some days feel very isolating.
It is not an easy thing to do, Christina, but God will reward your patience and tenacity. Lifting you up for comfort, strength and guidance, my friend.
Lately i have been going through a lot.I’m a 17 year old young lady who has been betrayed by the people around me.Sometimes I question why do bad things always happen to me,why do I always get manipulated?
I pray for those who have treated me wrongfully but it’s so hard to not have hatred in my heart.Thank you so much for this.
Oh Marsha. I am so sorry you’ve been hurt so badly. I’m lifting you up in my prayers. It really is hard to understand why these bad things happen and it’s incredibly difficult to walk in love when someone has hurt you. My best advice is to keep praying. Keep choosing to trust God, even when you don’t understand why things are happening. By staying diligent in His Word and staying close to Him, He will guide you out of this pain. I often tell God I don’t understand why something is happening, but I also ask that He open my heart to what He is teaching me. I hope this helps. Keep choosing every single day and I will continue to lift you up to the Lord.
I needed to read this. I made some terrible mistakes too and people who have hurt me, I struggle to forgive. This is so insightful and very very good advice. Thank you.
Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by the blog and for reaching out.
I’m so glad you were able to find some comfort in this post. Believe me, I’ve made some mistakes too and it’s so hard to forgive ourselves, but He’s forgiven us, so we definitely have to learn to do the same. I’ll keep you in my prayers for continued healing and forgiveness.
Thank you for your post,this is what I need for my situation. My husband cheating on me for 10 years and still going on,it’s really hard to forgive him and get hurt again and again,but I will keep on praying.God bless you
Thank you so much for stopping by the blog and taking the time to reach out. I’m so very sorry you’re going through such difficult circumstances. It can be so hard to forgive someone, especially when they continue to hurt you over and over again. I will add you to my prayers and ask for guidance, strength, and guidance in your journey. May you find forgiveness and peace in this situation and I’m so glad you found some help from this post.
What a great reminder this post is so true! I have this friend who won’t talk to me and mad at me for some reason, she really hurt me, I am just going to keep praying for her that God will take control in her life. We serve an awesome God!🙌
Indeed He is, Naomi! Pray without ceasing and He will, no doubt, answer your prayers! Thank you so much for stopping by the blog and taking the time to reach out. I will keep you in my prayers as well.
Thank you for your wisdom and insight. This helped me.
Hi Ruth! Thanks so much for stopping by the blog. I’m so glad you were able to gain some wisdom and insight and I appreciate you reaching out to let me know!
I stumbled upon your website & looked at this article about praying for people that have hurt you. I need help with a situation that I have been struggling with. Five years ago, I went through a difficult divorce. I am remarried to a wonderful man now, but am still reliving that pain, because a family member that I was once very close to has decided to take my ex-husband’s side & now has an ongoing relationship with him as if he were still in the family. We share a disabled son together & that makes things twice as difficult. I seem to get used to the idea then something happens & it reopens old wounds & floods my mind with memories of a relationship that is lost that I may never get back. They say the still love me, but then have little regard to my feelings. I don’t know what else to do for them except to pray.
Oh, Tina! What an incredibly difficult situation you are in. You’re right, it is time to forgive. Yes, for your ex-husband and family member, but more importantly, for you. Forgiveness on a level like that takes time, but you can do it. I highly suggest getting yourself a prayer journal and start writing everything down. Go to God and ask Him for help, to release the chains of hurt, anger, and bitterness. Believe me, when I tell you, I’ve been through this myself and when God helps you through it, it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. I can’t even begin to count how many times I would go to Him and say, “God, I know you want me to pray for this person, but I don’t know how. So I ask that you help me.” It’s hard, Tina. So very hard, but without a doubt, I know God will show up for you and help you through this.
I will add you to my prayer list and pray for you and your family too. Please keep me posted on how you’re doing. Don’t stop praying, my friend. It will get better, I promise!
Thank you so much for this article! This is exactly what I needed today. My husband walked out on me (with no warning) just days before our 1 year anniversary. He did a lot of things that without the grace of Jesus would be unforgivable. I have had such a hard time figuring out how to pray for him and finding the motivation to do so. This article was so down to earth and really spoke to me. Thank you again!
Hillary, I am so incredibly sorry for this hurt you are going through. Trying to pray for someone who has hurt us in this way seems next to impossible. I’m so glad you were able to find help with this post and I pray that you will soon learn how to forgive – to be able to free yourself from the chains. I will go to the Lord in prayer for you! Thank you for taking the time to reach out!
I’ve just read Praying for Those Who Hurt You, the first time I’ve read your blog. The article was spot on with what the Scripture teaches, and I appreciate that!
Hi Bev! Thank you for stopping by the blog and taking the time to reach out! I’m so glad you liked this post. It’s so incredibly important for every one of us and I know I need Jesus to help me through forgiveness for sure. Thanks again!
I loved reading about praying for someone who hurt me. I will most certainly pray for her tonight,
Thank you God Bless you
Hi Amelia! Thank you for stopping by the blog and taking the time to reach out. It really does begin to change your perspective when you can start praying for that person and it’s so incredibly freeing when you can begin to forgive. It’s not easy, but it is so worthwhile! Thanks, again!
I truly enjoyed this post and found it to be very much in alignment with Gods will for us. I have been in a position of such pain before that it was very hard to pray for the person and situation but I was only able to heal by being honest with God. Thank you for sharing this post on Salt & Light Link Up. This will be featured as this week post on MarriedbyHisGrace.com
Hi, Carmen! I couldn’t agree more. Being honest with God is the very first step to healing. It is so freeing when we can finally do that. I am completely humbled and so excited to be featured! Thank you for this incredible opportunity!
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts on this subject. Praying for someone who has hurt you is especially difficult. Especially when, like you said in your post, that person does it over and over again. It’s even worse when that person is, of all people, your mother. It was just a week ago the most recent time and my husband could see an instant difference in my demeanor and overall bubbly-ness towards life that I had only recently gotten back.
It is so difficult to pray but Jesus is right there! I love that you said we don’t have to try and hide our feelings because He already knows. I have found that in the times that I pray freely and am honest about how I really feel, whether it’s anger or hurt or disappointment that the burden is lifted much faster because I’m not trying to hide or conceal it and take care of it myself.
Oh, Kelli! This is such a difficult thing to do, but I’m so glad you know that Jesus is with you and will help you through it. It may not be immediate, but He will help you through. I agree, going to Him with honesty makes all the difference in the world. I’ll add you to my prayer list and my hope is that you can find healing. Thanks for your comment!
Thank you very much for sharing this you knowevert time someone does something i always think of revenge, telling myself that i wil get them but now am glad i know the vengence is not mine i just have to kneel pray for them.
Oh, Melta! Thank you for taking time to stop by the blog and reach out. It’s so hard when someone hurts us. Always remember….forgiveness is for you more than the other person. It takes time. Sometimes a very long time. But when you’re able to allow God to change your heart, it is so completely freeing. I will put you on my prayer list and I know God will help you through this!
Found this on Pinterest and I love it. You inspired me to write how I felt today and it was a great experience.
Oh my goodness! I could shout from the rooftops right now! I am so glad this is helping you! Continue to write and seek God’s help and I know He will get you through it! This is such an incredible blessing for you!
Very nice. I really like the prayer. Hard to pray for someone that hurts you, but it’s so good to feel that burden of unforgiveness towards that person being lifted when you pray for them. God is good.
You are so right! There is nothing like that feeling! Indeed, he is!