Well, this is a tough one, isn’t it? Why on earth would you want to pray for someone who’s hurt you? Honestly, when someone hurts me, most of the time I don’t……well not at first anyway.
When’s the last time you were hurt by someone? When’s the last time someone disrespected you by not only hurting you once but by hurting you over and over again with no regard for your feelings whatsoever?
How does Jesus expect you to pray for that person? I mean, seriously now. That person just treated you horribly. Is this for real?
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What Jesus calls us to do
Well, my friend….it’s for real. Jesus does call us to pray for those who’ve hurt us, but how are we supposed to do that?
First and foremost, you need to realize that Jesus already knows how difficult it is – He knows everything about you, so there’s no reason to try and hide your feelings from Him. You can find great comfort in knowing that you can go to Him for absolutely everything. Your joys, your concerns, and your challenges….all of it!
Go to Him when you are hurting and He will soothe your pain. Go to Him when you are joyful. He will share your joy and multiply it. by Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
We certainly don’t set out to hurt someone, but think about this……how many times have you done just that? How awful did you feel when you realized you had hurt them? Wouldn’t you like to know that they were praying for you? Praying for you to understand how you hurt them, praying for you to learn from your mistake so that you don’t hurt them, or anyone else, like that again. Asking Jesus, on your behalf, to forgive you.
If Jesus can love you unconditionally, no matter what you’ve done, couldn’t you pray for someone who has done something they shouldn’t have? You can begin with this prayer,
“Lord, I know you want me to pray for this person. You already know this is difficult for me and I don’t really want to (remember, you don’t have to sugar coat it. He already knows), but Lord, I pray your will in this person’s life. I pray they turn to you for direction. Please give me eyes to see and ears to hear your perspective. Please, also, grant me patience while you work your will and the grace to accept it.
I pray this every day – over and over again. I pray they humble themselves before Him, and that they want to seek his forgiveness…want to change and no longer treat people this way.
What Jesus shows me
Do you know what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I pray this for someone? He shows me a look at this person through His eyes. Seriously, every time. And you know what I see???? A person who is struggling just like me and…..are you ready for it…..He shows me my role in the situation. Did you catch that? It bears repeating…I see what I’ve done wrong in this situation.
I see my role in not forgiving that person, or talking about them when I shouldn’t have, and not showing them grace like I should have. Grace that Jesus ALWAYS gives me freely – grace that I certainly don’t deserve.
Talk about humbling! The first time Jesus shows you this, let me tell you it’s one of those “whooooaaa moments.” One where it feels like he just picks you up and says, “Hey! Listen up!”
My prayer when it’s hard
There are times that I’m so upset by what this person has done and, what I call, completely “gridlocked.” I can’t even think because I’m so upset. Those are the times that I go to Him with this prayer,
“Lord, I can’t do this right now. I can’t even think straight. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for already equipping me with what I need to handle this challenge today. Thank you for allowing me to be me. I know that while I can’t pray for this person right this moment, you will help me get through this and I will pray for them when I calm down, after I get through this extreme feeling of being gridlocked.”
When you get like this, Jesus completely understands. He’ll pick you up and comfort you until you can stand on your own. He does that for you – no questions asked. Complete, unconditional love.
He certainly doesn’t expect you to keep going back for more bad behavior, but he does expect you to continue to pray for the person who’s hurt you.
Believe me, I don’t have it all figured out. I am in the trenches right beside you. We’re all a work in progress – on our own journey with Jesus, and we can help each other through these challenges.
The next time someone hurts you, go to Jesus first. He’s right there waiting for you….all you have to do is ask.
Also, you don’t want to miss my new 30-day devotional, Finding Peace in the Mess which will be releasing soon! And you don’t have to wait to order! Click here to pre-order it now and have it delivered right to your inbox on September 4th! (Plus you’ll get 2 FREE instant bonuses when you pre-order!)
Until next time, my friend…..
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Thank you for your wisdom and insight. This helped me.
Hi Ruth! Thanks so much for stopping by the blog. I’m so glad you were able to gain some wisdom and insight and I appreciate you reaching out to let me know!
I stumbled upon your website & looked at this article about praying for people that have hurt you. I need help with a situation that I have been struggling with. Five years ago, I went through a difficult divorce. I am remarried to a wonderful man now, but am still reliving that pain, because a family member that I was once very close to has decided to take my ex-husband’s side & now has an ongoing relationship with him as if he were still in the family. We share a disabled son together & that makes things twice as difficult. I seem to get used to the idea then something happens & it reopens old wounds & floods my mind with memories of a relationship that is lost that I may never get back. They say the still love me, but then have little regard to my feelings. I don’t know what else to do for them except to pray.
Oh, Tina! What an incredibly difficult situation you are in. You’re right, it is time to forgive. Yes, for your ex-husband and family member, but more importantly, for you. Forgiveness on a level like that takes time, but you can do it. I highly suggest getting yourself a prayer journal and start writing everything down. Go to God and ask Him for help, to release the chains of hurt, anger, and bitterness. Believe me, when I tell you, I’ve been through this myself and when God helps you through it, it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. I can’t even begin to count how many times I would go to Him and say, “God, I know you want me to pray for this person, but I don’t know how. So I ask that you help me.” It’s hard, Tina. So very hard, but without a doubt, I know God will show up for you and help you through this.
I will add you to my prayer list and pray for you and your family too. Please keep me posted on how you’re doing. Don’t stop praying, my friend. It will get better, I promise!
Thank you so much for this article! This is exactly what I needed today. My husband walked out on me (with no warning) just days before our 1 year anniversary. He did a lot of things that without the grace of Jesus would be unforgivable. I have had such a hard time figuring out how to pray for him and finding the motivation to do so. This article was so down to earth and really spoke to me. Thank you again!
Hillary, I am so incredibly sorry for this hurt you are going through. Trying to pray for someone who has hurt us in this way seems next to impossible. I’m so glad you were able to find help with this post and I pray that you will soon learn how to forgive – to be able to free yourself from the chains. I will go to the Lord in prayer for you! Thank you for taking the time to reach out!
I’ve just read Praying for Those Who Hurt You, the first time I’ve read your blog. The article was spot on with what the Scripture teaches, and I appreciate that!
Hi Bev! Thank you for stopping by the blog and taking the time to reach out! I’m so glad you liked this post. It’s so incredibly important for every one of us and I know I need Jesus to help me through forgiveness for sure. Thanks again!
I loved reading about praying for someone who hurt me. I will most certainly pray for her tonight,
Thank you God Bless you
Hi Amelia! Thank you for stopping by the blog and taking the time to reach out. It really does begin to change your perspective when you can start praying for that person and it’s so incredibly freeing when you can begin to forgive. It’s not easy, but it is so worthwhile! Thanks, again!
I truly enjoyed this post and found it to be very much in alignment with Gods will for us. I have been in a position of such pain before that it was very hard to pray for the person and situation but I was only able to heal by being honest with God. Thank you for sharing this post on Salt & Light Link Up. This will be featured as this week post on MarriedbyHisGrace.com
Hi, Carmen! I couldn’t agree more. Being honest with God is the very first step to healing. It is so freeing when we can finally do that. I am completely humbled and so excited to be featured! Thank you for this incredible opportunity!
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts on this subject. Praying for someone who has hurt you is especially difficult. Especially when, like you said in your post, that person does it over and over again. It’s even worse when that person is, of all people, your mother. It was just a week ago the most recent time and my husband could see an instant difference in my demeanor and overall bubbly-ness towards life that I had only recently gotten back.
It is so difficult to pray but Jesus is right there! I love that you said we don’t have to try and hide our feelings because He already knows. I have found that in the times that I pray freely and am honest about how I really feel, whether it’s anger or hurt or disappointment that the burden is lifted much faster because I’m not trying to hide or conceal it and take care of it myself.
Oh, Kelli! This is such a difficult thing to do, but I’m so glad you know that Jesus is with you and will help you through it. It may not be immediate, but He will help you through. I agree, going to Him with honesty makes all the difference in the world. I’ll add you to my prayer list and my hope is that you can find healing. Thanks for your comment!
Thank you very much for sharing this you knowevert time someone does something i always think of revenge, telling myself that i wil get them but now am glad i know the vengence is not mine i just have to kneel pray for them.
Oh, Melta! Thank you for taking time to stop by the blog and reach out. It’s so hard when someone hurts us. Always remember….forgiveness is for you more than the other person. It takes time. Sometimes a very long time. But when you’re able to allow God to change your heart, it is so completely freeing. I will put you on my prayer list and I know God will help you through this!
Found this on Pinterest and I love it. You inspired me to write how I felt today and it was a great experience.
Oh my goodness! I could shout from the rooftops right now! I am so glad this is helping you! Continue to write and seek God’s help and I know He will get you through it! This is such an incredible blessing for you!
Very nice. I really like the prayer. Hard to pray for someone that hurts you, but it’s so good to feel that burden of unforgiveness towards that person being lifted when you pray for them. God is good.
You are so right! There is nothing like that feeling! Indeed, he is!